I drove home yesterday. You might call me a loser for driving home on Tuesday when I was dropped off here only last Saturday, but I had a very good reason to go home. I knew that if I didn’t go to this wake, I would never believe that he is dead. Now I know that it is true after attending the wake yesterday. But that’s a whole other story.
The drive home is not bad at all. If you go 72 in the 65, you get there even faster. I followed Rob (who had been visiting me) and we made very good time.
JuneBug greeted me at the door. Oliver and Reggie soon followed. Weezie made occasional appearances. I sat at the kitchen table and talked to my mama for a long time. We waited around for Jordan so we could attend the wake together and when I requested we drink our coffee on the front porch, it was granted.
After the wake, Jordan and Trevor both went back to where they came from. Mom, Dad and I ordered pizza and wings and ate them in front of the TV. I enjoyed my time at home, but felt this weird pang in my stomach the entire time. I knew I couldn’t stay there and also found that I didn’t really want to. A family makes a home a home, and none of my brothers were there. What you put into that home also contributes to its homeyness, and I realized that I had nothing there to entertain me. When I got back to my room at Bonas (after a terrifying drive through the night – yes, I had my teddy bear in my lap the whole time), I felt relief. All of my stuff is here. I’ve made this into a replacement home; I’ve made it as comfortable as I can. Sarah is right next door and we have a lot of fun together.
My visit home has helped me relieve my homesickness. Before my visit, I was picturing my room as it was before I removed everything, and I was imagining Adam and Trevor being just down the hall. That is not the case anymore, and I needed to see it in order for it to hit me.
I’m here now, and now I just have to make new memories.