Showing weaknesses

You know it’s bad when the girl who used to blog constantly suddenly stops pressing the keys on her keyboard. I haven’t felt like ranting; I feel like all I do is bitch and moan. I haven’t felt like complaining about some things because I want you, the readers, to think I have everything in my life under control. I haven’t felt like showing any weakness. I guess that’s my biggest thing. I try so hard to be that strong woman (you know the type – the one that is the breadwinner in the family and still manages to get the laundry done and cook dinner every single night – that type of woman) that sometimes I forget to show my weaknesses.

When I was younger and wrote on this blog (I was fourteen when I started writing as blackbyrd), I knew I could trust those whom I knew would read my posts. I talked about my blog so much that other friends started their own on WordPress. I was the spokesperson for this website in my neck of the woods. My brother had one, I got one, and then around ten other people I know started blogs as well. At that point, I started to wish that I had not told people I know about my blog. There are times when I want to write extremely personal things, but halt with my fingers just over the keys and mull over who could possibly read what I plan on writing. That’s usually when I stop. I think of that one person, and I stop. Then I curse my foolish fourteen-year-old self.

And then I wrote that one post that seriously changed everything. I don’t regret it. I mean everything that I put into writing, why else would I write it? But ever since then, nothing has been the same, and I’ve tiptoed around on WordPress. I’m stuck. I love blackbyrd so much, but have seriously considered getting up and moving. I might just change the domain, but that would change everything. Nothing would be the same.

Blogs used to come so easily for me, but now they are harder than ever. It’s hard to write something when you feel like someone is breathing down your neck, just waiting to criticize every word that pours out.

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3 thoughts on “Showing weaknesses

  1. It’s always tough and confusing — and confining — when the real world mixes with our blog world. I always want to share mine because I want my friends to get to know me better because I feel I get my thoughts out better on ‘paper’, and it’s a nice way to get to know each other… and then I learned the hard way (on my other blog) that it causes issues. The last thing I wanted in my blog space was to watch what I had to say, so I had to have my URL changed a few times. Lesson learned. I hope you can find a balance, or start over where you are comfy!

  2. I think there will be always things in general life to stop you or just put stones on your way. You shouldn’t stop throwing your thoughts out just because what somebody could think, whatever she/he might think it’s irrelevant to you. I can tell that you know and recognize that you have a bright mind don’t hide it from the world and from you. At the end we must understand that we can’t have multiple personalities over here and there, we’re just one individual person, the same on the web that in the ground, and we shouldn’t ashame of ourselves.
    Good luck, cupcake, I’ll keep checking on you =)

  3. Write what you want, girl!
    People change and grow, and if they don’t appreciate what you say, they’ll either stop reading or learn from it (in one way or another). And if they express an issue with what you write, maybe you could both learn something. Either way, they’re your words and this is your personal (key words being YOUR PERSONAL) forum to share them. AKA, you trump all on this page. If something you post is controversial, people can discuss their viewpoint or suck it– but this is your place, and you shouldn’t have to censor yourself.

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