I’m sorry, Pandora

After another month of writing, I have enough for yet another big purchase. I’m typing on my HP Mini right now, and yes, I absolutely adore Eurydice, but now I have someone/something else on my mind. There’s something I’ve been wanting for a few months now, and right now it seems unbearable to me that I don’t have him (it) yet.

Pandora just isn’t cutting it anymore. This little square 4 GB iPod that I received for my fourteenth birthday was the light of my life for so long. But, in the past month, Pandora has seen more of the ground than she had throughout her entire two year existence. I was the first one in school to have the first video nano, but now it’s outdated and doesn’t have enough storage. She’s right next to me in her little pink leather jacket and is connected to my record player’s iPod jack so I can hear some Tilly and the Wall at a higher volume. But, at the moment I’m really craving some of The Submarines, whose music I did not have room to fit on Pandora.

For about a month I contemplated what iPod I would get after I got my laptop. My first choice was always the iPod Classic. I realized that the iPod Touch is basically for people who just want the apps and aren’t all about the music, which is the sole purpose why I want/NEED a new iPod. I considered the new iPod nano (Chromatic), but then realized that having a video camera on an iPod with so little storage would be tempting and stupid at the same time. Once again, I would be too busy monkeying around with that rather than listening to tunage. I do plan on purchasing an iPod shuffle in the future, just to have to run with or whatever, but it’s not going to be my main man.

And so, the choice was unanimous. Next week when I get my check, I’m off to the Apple store to pick up Orpheus and let him join my electronic family (Pandora, Narcissus and Eurydice; I have yet to name some other things). I will most likely end up buying the silver iPod classic, just so it’s not identical to my brother’s black one. He and Pandora will have to share my iHome, but I think I’ll put Pandora into retirement for a little while. She’s done a good job for two years and deserves a break. I’m just excited to finally be able to go from every Brand New CD to Paramore’s released and unreleased music to Vampire Weekend to John Mayer to Lady GaGa all on the same iPod. The thought of having my entire music library in my pocket is exhilarating. I can’t wait to put song after song on an iPod without having to take something off, first.

My waffle cone of life

Over a week ago now, we stopped at a place called Charbroil (a small burger joint) and got ourselves some ice cream. Mom got her chocolate and vanilla twist and I got my favorite chocolate peanut butter cup (I prefer hard ice cream) cone where I always forget that it has too much peanut butter in it before I order it.

We got back in the car where Jordan and Grady were waiting, and off we went again. They settled into the secluded driver and shotgun conversation, so I put Pandora in my ears and listened to something of my own. This whole time I was licking my ice cream and loving the extra peanut butter. I pet Grady, changed a song once or twice and licked my ice cream while staring out the window and admiring the vineyards rolling by.

I didn’t even realize that I had reached the cone until the automatic response to bite the cone overwhelmed me. That’s when I found out the sad truth. The girl who had scooped out the ice cream and placed it into my cone hadn’t shoved it down to the bottom of the cone. She just scooped it and put it on the top without bothering to push it down.

So, here I was, absolutely horrified that I had licked it leisurely thinking I still had the rest that was in the bottom of the cone to enjoy. I wolfed all of the scoops on top down because I was looking forward to what was in the bottom, which is my favorite part. Then, to find that it wasn’t there? It hit me hard. And, I realized that that is exactly how life is.

We’re all too busy living as fast as we can; trying to grow up before we actually have a chance to. We wish our lives away because, apparently, being older and responsible for ourselves is supposed to be more fun than having adult supervision all the time. The truth is, it’s not.

I ate the ice cream on top super fast because of my anxiousness to get to the bottom. But, I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone. I had to push what was left of the ice cream down to the bottom with my tongue, just so I wouldn’t be eating a dry waffle cone. My childhood went too fast…now I’m trying to push as much of it down to my waffle cone of life just to coat it enough so I can remember my childhood forever. It’s almost gone, and I’m just realizing how amazing it was.

I lived today

I started early, took my bike

and visited the creek.

The sparkles on the water

came out to look at me.

For my new job I am both the writer and the photographer. So, for the story I am working on at this moment I set out early this morning to capture the necessary photographs.

I learned today that it is not all about me. For my job I am merely a bystander capturing happenings in the lives of others. I’m slowly adjusting to the fact that for my future I cannot write about myself, much as I want to. That’s what I have a blog for.

I rode my bike downtown with my rucksack in tow. My rucksack held my camera, two memory cards, Pandora, a bike lock, a notebook or two, a bottle of water and a pen (of course!). I timed myself and found that it took about twenty minutes to get all the way down to St. John’s park with Tilly and the Wall keeping me company the entire way. I got there, was shaking a little bit when I had to lock my bike up, but I swallowed my nervousness and got right to work. I wandered around snapping pictures left and right. 10-15 minutes later, I was finished. I unlocked my bike and rode off into the sunset (okay, not really).

I visited the office where I work and asked for my portfolio back, and then, with that added onto the load I was carrying on my back, I rode on to Tim Horton’s and got myself a well-deserved Iced Cap. The cashier (whose nametag revealed that her name was Hayley and that she was “in training”) told me that she loved my wallet and added an “Emily the Strange, right?” to which I nodded and said “I’m obsessed” and she added in her love for Emily as well. I was planning on staying in the restaurant and writing by myself, but I was surrounded by old people and the weather was too nice out to be inside.

I steered my bike with one hand over to Creekside Park and sat on the cement block that juts out of the ground. I enjoyed my Iced Cap and watched the water. Then I removed my notebooks and pen from my rucksack and added onto the assignment I already started. I sat there on that cement block just enjoying being really alone for the first time in a long time. I wrote a poem that I am really proud of and just enjoyed the little bit of nature hidden in our little village. I discovered that I really like being alone. I didn’t have to talk to anyone. I didn’t have to deal with anyone. I didn’t have to worry whether or not my companion was having a good time or not because, well, I did not have a companion. Some people can’t deal with being alone, but I definitely handle it well.

After my realization I was in such a good mood that I mounted my bike with Tilly in my ears again and took a leisurely ride through the neighborhoods that surrounded me. I probably received several dirty looks for smiling for no reason (nobody seems to smile anymore!) and singing along to the music playing in my ears, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. The weather was nice, I used all five of my senses, and I actually lived today. I took a couple hours off from reality and really lived. I enjoyed every minute of it.

Sugar, spice, and everything nice

Normally I try to have a reason why I am writing on my blog, but tonight I do not seem to have one. Oh well, I’ll just let the creative juices flow and make some lemonade. (Ha, geddit? Lemonade? I crack myself up.)

I don’t feel like being outlandish anymore. I’m too tired in the morning to bother with my usual crazy and quirky mismatching outfits. Every day it’s just jeans, a tee shirt, and my main pair of Chucks. My blue ones haven’t been touched in months, my old black ones are sleeping peacefully somewhere, my brown and pink ones have only certain outfits that they match with, and my new camouflage ones have only been on my feet once or twice since I got them for Christmas. Is there such thing as being depressed by lack of new clothing articles? I think I may be experiencing something of this sort. I need something new to wear, pronto! (Even though there are several items in my closet that still have pricetags on them…) Maybe tomorrow I’ll dig out my “hooker” boots that haven’t been in use since, oh, February-ish. I can see the snow falling from where I am sitting now. We have made it to the month of April safe and sound – doesn’t Mother Nature owe us all a break? (Though I must thank Her for this last chance *knocks on wood* to use my lovely boots.)

I want graduation to get here. At the beginning of the year I couldn’t bear the thought of my friends leaving me behind, but now I’m at the point where I want to shove some of them out the window and yell “GOOD RIDDANCE!” I’m sick of their stupid drama and recent bout of Senioritis that engulfed them all. Just let me be in peace in the hell where I must spend two more years of my life. Years filled with unnecessary mathematical equations that I will need only to pass the stupid NYS Regents tests that we are forced to take every January and June. Next year comes the test that I have mixed feelings about: English. It doesn’t matter if you have talent when it comes to writing, if you forget a literary element (Zeus forbid) and you fail to match up to the criteria set before you, you’re practically screwed. Being forced into a piece of wood by a giant hammer is not my idea of a good time.

Everyday it’s the same routine. Get up at 6:50ish-7:00ish, “Oh crap! I have to take a shower!” Hurriedly strip thyself, wash thyself, dry thyself, clothe thyself, eat/drink feed thyself, and get thyself out the door before the clock can strike 7:23. At least I have a very organized list set in my head before I do anything. If I did not possess this skill, I would be doomed to fail. I don’t have time to bother with the outfits I used to sport all the time. I grab my stuff, make sure Pandora is in my pocket, and get in the car before mom starts honking the horn. I need something new. I need something different. I need something exciting to happen that will spice things up, but only for a little while so they can go back to normal again. I don’t like change, but temporary change would be okay. Watch, now I’ll wake up in the morning and find that I’ve switched bodies with my brother overnight. I don’t know what I want. Definitely not a dramatic change, Zeus, but a little spice would be nice.

Welcoming winter

After hearing Kim panicking over who could and could not attend her shindig, I made suggestions, called a couple of people, and then settled down with Gemma Doyle for a little while because I knew that the matter was out of my hands. Whatever happens will happen. So be it. I looked up from the realms in the book to glance at the clock, and I found that it was 6:16. Said shindig was due to begin at 7:00. Oh boy.

I deserted my heated blanket (which was set on the highest power it could go – 22), and warned my daddy that his assistance would soon be needed for a chauffeur to Kimmie’s house. I ran upstairs, grabbed my camera, rushed back downstairs, plugged it into the computer and made sure that the little green light was glowing, and then I scurried back up the stairs to throw some clothes on and leave my comfy PJs behind. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, decided against wearing my favorite old pair of jeans for fear that they would split if I bent over (they are pretty ancient), and finally settled on my favorite new skinny jeans. I pulled on a pink Tinkerbell tee shirt, shoved my latest knitting project into my bag, removed Pandora from her home (my iPod), and had almost made it out of my bedroom when I passed my boots on the way out. Hmm…I should probably wear those tonight…I’ll have to walk up her driveway and last time my feet got soaked in my Vans. And so, my boots joined the collection of items that I held in my arms to take downstairs.

I found socks (mismatched of course because I desperately need to wash all of my socks), pulled them on, zipped up my boots, grabbed my camera, and I was ready to go. Oh yeah, and I grabbed my earmuffs – those are important.

My daddy dropped me off at the end of Kim’s driveway, and I trudged my way up it – mentally patting myself on the back for thinking to wear my lovely boots.

Now, Kim called her little get-together a “movie night.” Usually whenever someone has a “movie night” we never end up watching a movie. That is exactly what happened. Tallon and Damen were obsessing over how hot Kim’s house was (almost eighty degrees, I believe), so, collectively we made the decision to take a walk.

As soon as we got outside someone (Tallon, I think) said, “hey! Let’s go sledding down the hill right here!”

Instantly inspired, Kim went into the garage and pulled out a toboggan. And so, the “movie night” turned into a “sledding night.” Now, this “sledding night” had a little twist to it. It just so happened that absolutely NOBODY was prepared for this. Damen didn’t even have a coat, and Taylor was the only one with gloves (though they were fingerless). After out first trip down, I was even more grateful that I decided to pull on my boots. Everybody else was wearing canvas shoes.

We went down and down and down and down again, nearly hitting various obstacles in the way. (For example: a tree or a fence.)

We retired to the summery weather indoors (thank you, woodstove!!!) and enjoyed some hot cocoa that helped us forget about our soaking wet pants and freezing bodies. “Hey, let’s do it again!”

“Hell yeah!”

So, again we made our journey out into the cold that stood still. The snow glimmered and was dented by out footprints and toboggan prints. After another joyful ride through the snow, Damen announced that his ankle was bleeding. We decided that we’d better go back inside before even more spilling of bodily fluids began.

We stayed inside again for awhile. We crammed many a chair around the round table that was not big enough for us (it was missing it’s leaf – because it’s winter and there are no more leaves outside so why should there be one in here?!?!? hehe) and drank more hot cocoa and talked. About twenty minutes to eleven o’clock, someone made the decision that we should do it one more time before leaving. So, again we sailed down the hill laughing all the way (ha ha ha!) nearly hitting said obstacles every time. Damen almost flipped over (his bleeding had ceased), Tallon bailed on us, and I accidentally kicked Tallon where the “sun don’t shine” with my hooker boots. Whoops.

My mom came to pick me after eleven, and the first thing she asked was “what movie did you guys watch?”

Does she not know the rule of “movie night?”

School

It seems to me like summer never even happened. Now that I am in the day-to-day “school” routine, everything is back to normal. My iPod (PANDORA!!!) sings me the song I picked out the night before at around 5:45 every morning, and then I wait for the playlist to run out before I get up (usually around 6:20). I get up, take a shower, eat breakfast (well, drink some coffee to prevent future headaches), and wash my face before I let my hair down and mess around with it. I walk out the door wearing some crazy outfit (today it is a pair of crazy colored Bermuda shorts, brown high top Chucks with pink shoelaces, a red Hollister 3/4 polo and a white tank top underneath – I know! Hollister! *gasp!*).

School is just okay. Being a sophomore is definitely different. I open up the day with band, then either English or Earth Science for eighty minutes, lunch (yes, at ten o’clock in the morning), Spanish (which has been simple so far because the regular teacher is out sick and our substitute does not know a single word of the language), Global (my teacher is hilarious!) and then Chamber Choir. After Chamber Choir comes either a study hall (where I am right now) or PE. Then, the dreaded Geometry. I have found it easier to focus this year in math. I already got a 100% on our first test, and was the only student to receive said grade (YES! I put it on the fridge! xD).