Little running M&Ms

A sea of M&Ms took off as the gun sounded. Someone had carefully organized them into neat rows by color and then with the pull of the trigger they were mixed back together as if someone had shoved the rows with their giant hands. They ran by me and stirred up mud and sweat along the way. Never have I heard a crowd cheer so loud for what appeared to be little running M&Ms.

I became one of them. Donned in my own orange tee shirt and my tiny blue shorts, I stood in the box that was once marked with a six and took my place on the white line with my identical M&M friends. The rain poured down upon us all, and when the smoke showed, we all melted together in the midst of the heavy rainfall. My M&M-y vision blurred as we ran up the slippery hill and then plummeted back down. Several of my M&M sisters slipped into the vast mud pit at the bottom, but more of them stayed upright and continued their quest to the finish line where warm clothes waited.

More sisters were left behind in the mud as we all fought through the cold, cold rain but there was nothing I could do. I wanted to stop and help them up so bad, but knew that that would only slow me down. And, we couldn’t have that at the biggest meet in the state.

Before I knew it, I had broken away from my other M&Ms and became a lone orange one. Ahead I could see a few of my orange sisters and knew I had to keep up with them. Slipping and sliding in the mud and dirtying my poor little M&M self, I ran around the field and into the finish with a new personal record and a placing I could be proud of. Just like that, I became the 24th M&M to cross and with that the 24th best runner in the state for Class C.

When I watched that first race of the day take off, to me, they resembled a whole bunch of M&Ms running around due to the different tee shirts colors according to the different sections. All day, I was nervous, but I couldn’t wait to become an M&M and show off the orange for Section 6. I couldn’t wait to represent my school, my section, my family and most importantly, myself. I was proud of my nineteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds spent as just another little orange M&M.

A fantastic weekend

For the past month, I have been telling myself that the weekend I am experiencing right now could either be the best weekend of my life, or the very worst. It turned out better than I ever dreamed it could.

The obstacles I was to face this weekend seemed dark and ominously tall all throughout this week. I knew my birthday would be fun (it was my sixteenth; it had to be!), but I was dreading the thought of a Learner’s Permit test for which I had not had the time to study for. If I were to fail it, all would be lost and I would feel like such a loser. The day after my birthday was the biggest meet of the year; the meet every cross-country runner nervously looks forward to all season. I craved the thought of finishing the race and knowing that I had successfully reached my goal of making it to the state championship meet.

Well as you, the reader, very well know, the whole Learner’s Permit did not work out, and I couldn’t have prayed for a better miracle. I was disappointed at the time, sure, but then the weekend took off. I had received the check I had desperately been waiting for for two weeks that day (aka my birthday) and I could finally buy my new iPod. But, first, I had a race in my way.

My race was the last one of the day on a course I truly despise. I ran the best race of my life yesterday. I started out in the right spot and moved up from there. I finished 4th overall, though technically it was 3rd. I almost got a personal record and beat my time from last year at this same course by well over a minute. I got to the chute and screamed “I’M GOING TO STATES!” Friday was an awesome – though nerve-wracking – day. After years of narrowly missing the opportunity to go to States, I made it. And boy, was my daddy proud of me.

Today, I purchased my new iPod (and dubbed her Persephone – I decided that she was a girl) and even though I bought a new iPod, I went off and bought a case for good ol’ Pandora just so she wouldn’t get mad. I know, I’m referring to inanimate objects as if they were animate – get used to it. Right now I’m listening to a large range of music thanks to the computing power of this monster of an iPod. (Sorry, Pandy!)

I got home from the shopping charade to find another check for me to cash and then we had my family birthday party. I got the portfolio I have been wanting and can’t wait to put it together.

Oh, and I got a cell phone. No biggie for most kids, because, you know, most kids have had them since they were, like, five, but, this is a big deal for me. This will be the first cell phone ever to come into my possession. That’s right, I am now sixteen years old and still don’t own a cell phone – but, have no fear! It’s on its way.

At first, I didn’t want one. And, I still don’t want one. The fact is, it has become a necessity. You can’t deny it. When I’m all alone and don’t have  a person who owns a cell phone nearby, I’m scared shitless. Now, that won’t be a problem anymore. On Monday, we’ll order my phone (and now, I’m not getting an ENV like everyone else seems to have) and I’ll have it just in time to take it with me on the States bus so I can text my mom and tell her where I am and such. It will be the first time in my life that I will totally be reachable. It’s scary and yet comforting at the same time. I’m rather excited.

So, I’d say it has been a fantastic weekend despite my worries. Even though I said goodbye to a friend I have known all my life, the world doesn’t seem so scary anymore. I’m looking forward to the meet on Saturday. I will get to go up against New York State’s finest runners; and I’m one of them. That has yet to sink in for me. Happy Birthday to me.

Now, my birthday is officially over. The best part?

The weekend isn’t over quite yet. Hello, second morning of sleeping in.

Thanks, Yanks!

I knew today was going to be a great day the moment it turned 12:00 AM. The Yankees had just won the world series and then my birthday began. I went to bed but ended up reading until about 12:30.

Pandora played “Free Fallin’” covered by John Mayer to wake me up this morning. I was about to hit snooze when I remembered another one of the reasons why today was going to be so great. I was due to have the front-page story in The Buffalo News NeXt. My heart rate sped up a bit as I lay there listening to John Mayer with the sudden adrenaline of a reason to wake up pumping through my veins.

I clamored down the stairs and found my mom reading my story. I had the entire front page! Not only was it plastered by my writing, but by one of my pictures that I had taken of my friend for the story. There is nothing quite like seeing your byline. It perks me up every time.

I got to school wearing a special birthday outfit that was accompanied by lime green Converse-esque socks that two of my best friends (we all coincidentally share the same birthday) and I went out to get the night before. I am usually a little late to school, and today was no exception. But, this time, while I was walking up the sidewalk to the door, I heard Taylor say “Oh, come on already, Em!” I smiled and hurried to the door, but before I reached it, my two birthday buddies rushed out and smothered me with hugs. I finally got into the building and was met by a huge group of people with my boyfriend at the head of the pack. A plethora of “Happy Birthday!” sounded and Taylor looked at Christian and said “give it to her!” Christian handed me a box, and I looked at Taylor who again added in an “open it, open it!”

Inside the box was a handmade bracelet – you know, the intricate woven kind – and I looked up at Christian and said “what is this?!?!?” And he replied, “I made it for you.” He had spent every night for about a week sitting backstage during their musical rehearsals learning how to make it and then proceeding to make it.

A smile lit up my face and I kissed him a billion times before he had to go to homeroom.It is, quite honestly, the sweetest present I have ever received. Nothing he could have purchased can top it.

It wasn’t hard to find my locker. Katie, one of my best birthday buddies, went all out decorating it with balloons and tissue paper. It wasn’t until later in the day that I discovered a card hidden in the decorations on the front (including an acceptance letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry). Another one of my best friends greeted me in homeroom with hot chocolate and Timbits and we finished our Shakespeare test while popping a doughnut hole into our mouths here and there.

Instead of having class for AP US History, we went down to the auditorium to watch a preview of our high school’s musical (the one I opted to not be involved in this year). I got to see what my boyfriend had been up to for the past two months when he couldn’t hang out with me.

Long story short, we had a short cross-country practice (due to the fact that our biggest meet of the year is TOMORROW! YIKES!) and then were set free. I got to kiss Christian goodbye a million more times before taking off to go get my Learner’s Permit.

That didn’t end up happening. We got to the DMV and they declared that we were half an hour too late. They didn’t give out Learner’s Permit tests after four o’clock.

We got to visit my brother at college (who gave me some candy) and then took off home again (after a quick stop at a gas station to get more papers so I could have more copies of my story). It was a waste, but there was definitely a reason why I didn’t get my permit today.

At home, I was greeted by a million wall posts wishing me a “Happy Birthday!” on facebook and the smell of homemade mac and cheese. I unwrapped a pair of Crocs that I have been wanting and enjoyed the cheesy noodles. No cake for me due to the fact that I have a big race tomorrow.

Now, here I am recounting my day. I don’t feel like I’m any older. Everyday I get older; today was just special. It was a great day. It started off great thanks to the Yankees. I couldn’t have asked for a better start.

Sweet Little Sixteen

I have watched all of my friends turn sixteen. Some of them are seventeen now, even eighteen. But, I’m still fifteen. Until Thursday rolls around.

I miss a lot when I blink my eyes. Sometimes when I’m riding shotgun to a  parent or one of my brothers,  I blink and miss something big. Something life-threatening. I can’t specifically name a happening, but I remember this happening quite a few times. Right when something threatened to take our lives, I blinked and missed it all. I’m terrified of doing this while I’m behind the wheel. I’m terrified of blinking and missing something big.

Other times when I’m riding shotgun, I realize just how easy it could be for the driver to drift away in thought and accidentally swerve the car off the road and into a ditch. One simple movement of the hands can move the gigantic metal contraption to the passengers’ death.

Even more times, I sit in the passenger seat and picture a car heading toward us and hitting us head-on. I picture my death via car accident. I picture myself alive and everyone else in the car dead.

Adding another troubling thought to my mind are the big semi-trucks that roam these rough roads. They scare the hell out of me. Whenever we are on the highway and one of these big trucks drives alongside our car, I picture it toppling over and crushing us. I picture our car being turned into a sardine can with us playing the sardines.

This is all so scary. I find myself not wanting to turn sixteen. If I could, I would stay fifteen forever. If I had an even bigger range of choices, I would go back to seven. That seemed like it was a nice age. I wore hand-me-downs from my brothers, thought boys were icky, didn’t have to wear a bra, coasted on through life with tangled hair, didn’t have any responsibilities and never worried about a thing. So, it’s exciting that you’re here, sixteen, but I like your predecessors much better. Maybe I’ll come to know and love you, but at this moment in time, fifteen is sounding pretty good. Here’s to hoping that in time you’ll sound even better. I blinked and now fifteen’s gone. Hello, sixteen. Hello, great big world with endless possibilities.

Sleepy Hollow(een)

Things are only a big deal if you make them into one. This applies to certain days, too. They’re only a big deal if you make them one. Kind of like today. Happy Halloween. Big whoop.

It was fun when we were little. My mom made our costumes (I don’t think she EVER bought one) and we went out to gather up pillowcase-loads of candy. We came back, turned our bags upside down to empty them of their contents and then sorted into piles based on the kind of candy. Trading ensued, but we never ever traded a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. That was part of our Unwritten Constitution (<-APUSH reference).

Seventh grade was the last time I went trick-or-treating. That was five years ago. Last year we ran around as our XC team, but that was in celebration of the team’s victory that day and we  only stopped at a few places along the way because we were on our way to our coach’s house to get candy out of him.

My brother, Trevor, went trick-or-treating up until his senior year in high school. At the time, it seemed like he was too old for it and I figured he must have been the only kid his age who went around with his friends. Now I’ve realized that a lot more do it than I thought. Everyone’s facebook statuses said something about going trick-or-treating, and that definitely surprised me. Trick-or-treating strikes me as something for kids in elementary or middle school; not high school. I’m not trying to be a stick in the mud or anything, I just feel that I’m too old to go parading around in a stupid costume just to get some candy off of people.

It sure is sad, though. That I feel too old to go trick-or-treating, I mean. I probably would have gone in ninth grade if I had not have had musical rehearsal that night (damn you, stupid musical). I opted not to go in eighth grade because I wasn’t allowed to go with friends and it seemed lame for me to go around with my dad.

I never wanted to grow up. I did, though.

Tonight I stayed in. My boyfriend came over and we carved pumpkins, passed out candy when my parents weren’t home (to our grand total of 9 trick-or-treaters) and then watched Sleepy Hollow with the ‘rents. We ate candy, listened to music, baked cookies and admired our pumpkins after the movie. It was fun. The only thing that made me feel festive was the Emily shirt I chose to wear that has a mummy cat on it. Other than that, it was just another day in the life. It was just another movie night with my boyfriend. It was just another fun time.

Holidays are only a big deal if you make them into one. Happy Halloween. Big whoop.

I’m sorry, Pandora

After another month of writing, I have enough for yet another big purchase. I’m typing on my HP Mini right now, and yes, I absolutely adore Eurydice, but now I have someone/something else on my mind. There’s something I’ve been wanting for a few months now, and right now it seems unbearable to me that I don’t have him (it) yet.

Pandora just isn’t cutting it anymore. This little square 4 GB iPod that I received for my fourteenth birthday was the light of my life for so long. But, in the past month, Pandora has seen more of the ground than she had throughout her entire two year existence. I was the first one in school to have the first video nano, but now it’s outdated and doesn’t have enough storage. She’s right next to me in her little pink leather jacket and is connected to my record player’s iPod jack so I can hear some Tilly and the Wall at a higher volume. But, at the moment I’m really craving some of The Submarines, whose music I did not have room to fit on Pandora.

For about a month I contemplated what iPod I would get after I got my laptop. My first choice was always the iPod Classic. I realized that the iPod Touch is basically for people who just want the apps and aren’t all about the music, which is the sole purpose why I want/NEED a new iPod. I considered the new iPod nano (Chromatic), but then realized that having a video camera on an iPod with so little storage would be tempting and stupid at the same time. Once again, I would be too busy monkeying around with that rather than listening to tunage. I do plan on purchasing an iPod shuffle in the future, just to have to run with or whatever, but it’s not going to be my main man.

And so, the choice was unanimous. Next week when I get my check, I’m off to the Apple store to pick up Orpheus and let him join my electronic family (Pandora, Narcissus and Eurydice; I have yet to name some other things). I will most likely end up buying the silver iPod classic, just so it’s not identical to my brother’s black one. He and Pandora will have to share my iHome, but I think I’ll put Pandora into retirement for a little while. She’s done a good job for two years and deserves a break. I’m just excited to finally be able to go from every Brand New CD to Paramore’s released and unreleased music to Vampire Weekend to John Mayer to Lady GaGa all on the same iPod. The thought of having my entire music library in my pocket is exhilarating. I can’t wait to put song after song on an iPod without having to take something off, first.

I’m scared

Lately I have been having a hard time accepting things. Namely the fact that once a moment is over, I can never get it back. All I can do is remember. That’s what really hits me hard.

I don’t cherish school days. Those are going to constantly be churning for the next eight months. I have plenty of those moments left. No, it’s the little things and moments that happen in my life that I’m scared to lose after they happen. After Homecoming, I told myself to cherish the feeling of the hot water bubbling around me and the pleasant conversation exchanging between the three (and at one point, four) of us. I told myself to live it because it would soon be gone. Now, all I can do is remember. And, it bugs me.

What also gets me is that I will have an amazing time with a certain group of people, but the sad fact is that the odds of being in the company of these same certain people are very slim. Especially once this year is over and some of them head off to college to begin the second part of their lives.

I’m scared that I’ll wake up and look in the mirror to find my 25-year-old self staring back and not know where the hell the time went. I’m scared about the future. I know that I want to get married and have a kid or two, but what is frightening is that I can’t see beyond that daydream. I can’t picture what my kids will look like or who my husband will be. I know it’s going to happen eventually, but that’s all I know. And, that scares me.

I’m scared that I’ll wake up and greet the morning of my very last day on Earth without even knowing it.

A DJ, a gym and some glow sticks

At 7:o0 yesterday morning, “Into The Ocean” by Blue October started bursting out of the speakers on my triangular iHome. I continually hit the “snooze” button until I could do so no longer. I gave up at 7:30 and dragged my sorry butt out of bed to face what would turn into an extremely long day.

This weekend was Homecoming weekend. The problem was, I hadn’t given Homecoming a single thought because I had a huge obstacle to get through first. Conveniently, we had a cross-country meet in the freezing cold wind and mud. And, my race was to be the last race of the day. We left at 8:30 in order to get there by 10:00, and I didn’t run until 2:30. All of this equals one long and cold day.

I ran well, and yes, hanging out with the team is always fun. I finally met the guy that has been taking pictures at meets (in which I sometimes appeared) for years, and coincidentally he is also one of my employers. I got to snuggle with five of my teammates to build up the warmth we so desperately sought and got to experience one crazy bus ride.

After my race, we [my family] left immediately. After a few stops along the way, we finally got home at 5:00, and my boyfriend was to be at the house at 6:30 to get some pictures taken beforehand.

The dance was fun. My only complaint was the complete lack of slow songs. He (one of my brother’s friends who played the DJ) must have wanted to keep up with the “rave” theme Student Council had whipped up, but he only played three slow songs and I, along with many others, was disappointed. The entire gym smelled like bare feet and glow stick fluid because people kept breaking open the complimentary glow sticks everyone wore around their necks. A friend of mine actually got squirted in the eye with one at the very beginning of the dance, and she commented that it was very painful.

Afterward, we headed up to a friend’s house to attempt an all-nighter. Everyone but my boyfriend, my friend and me fell asleep. At five o’clock, we decided to get back in the hot tub and didn’t end up surfacing from it until seven. And yes, we got very prune-y.

It was a fun night. I was happy that my boyfriend and I matched perfectly and it’s always a treat to see classmates all dolled up instead of just sauntering around in their pajamas or jeans during the average school day.

Pumpkin eaters

Yesterday morning, I walked into homeroom and found three of my classmates rushing to get their AP History homework. Oh, and did I mention that the majority of them were copying the homework of another classmate of mine who wasn’t even in the room? Yeah, I didn’t think so. The sad thing? Two out of the three are ahead of me in class ranking, even though they can’t seem to find the time to do their homework. It made me sick when we passed our homework up to the front of the classroom in AP History the next period. The girls that had copied nonchalantly passed theirs up and then struck up a conversation with their neighbor. They didn’t notice the smoke coming out of my ears due to the rage building up in my head.

Even though I did the homework, those two that are ahead of me will still beat me on the test we take on the homework. That’s just how it works. They get by by copying and cheating, and then when the time comes to take the test, they try their best and guess here and there, and somehow nearly always beat me.

I considered raising my hand and informing the teacher about the cheating that had taken place. I thought about getting in their faces and screaming. But, I never act on these thoughts. It’s extremely likely that the teacher wouldn’t do anything about it; people cheat all the time. People cheat all the time and get away with it. Even if I had raised this problem I’ve been facing now for YEARS to the attention of the administrators at my school, I doubt they would even give it a second glance.

My friend that is currently ranked 3rd in my class is smarter than our so-called Valedictorian. Our Valedictorian (at the moment) always asks my friend what answers she put for questions on homework, and her text messages to my friend are constantly about schoolwork.

I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I don’t blatantly ask someone for their homework so I can copy it word-for-word. That, to me, is not called rightfully earning what you have. I’m ranked eighth. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I’m not arguing with it, and I plan on staying up there. It just sucks knowing that the people ahead of me are going to stay up there by cheating their way through.

Guiltless

I just woke up. What absolutely floors me is that at this time yesterday, I was walking around Arlington Cemetery with my older brother and parents. Now I’m home, sitting in bed and glancing out the window every time I finish a sentence. The tree that is usually the first around our house to turn is turning right now, and its magnificent orange-y gold color is shining into my bedroom.

Oh, did I mention that I’m in my bedroom? My lovely raspberry/orange/lime green/sky blue bedroom with the glow-in-the-dark flowers on the ceiling? And the two Paramore posters, Brand New magazine cut-out, Styx and Bob Seger posters? And all of my crazy word drawings on the walls?

I am now typing on my own little Netbook that I purchased with the money I made from doing what I love: writing. Who knew conducting interviews, whipping up words and doing a little research could be so rewarding? I sure as hell didn’t. And now I have another nice check to cash right next to me on my night stand from a different paper I write for that will go toward my Where The Wild Things Are ticket on Friday and other such necessities. And yes, they are necessities.

So there you have it. I spent quite a nice chunk of money on something I have been saving for. And, I don’t feel guilty in any way.